Monday, May 25, 2009

Happy Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day

God Bless all those who have given their lives for our country so that we may live free. God Bless All the Veterans from Wars Present and Past for their service to our country.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

God Bless You Papa

Memorial Weekend and Papa's Resting Day

Today, my Papa, Joseph Kalish, was laid to rest in Ohio. He was such an amazing man who knew no strangers. He was inquisituve and loved to learn about so many things. He loved all his grandchildren so very much and always took time with them to teach them and share things with them. He has been and forever will be missed. I love you Papa and may you rest in peace and know that you are loved and missed by so many.

To all the famlies of soilders who have passed in recent and past wars. We love you and respect what these soilders did for all of us.

To my Nana and my dad and his family. I wish that I could have been there for you this weekend. I feel as though I have let you down and that I should have been there for all of you. I love all of you so very much and though I couldnt be there physically, my heart is with you.

Breast Health Update:

Yesterday, I had to be at the Breast Center at 8am. They took me back to ultrasound at 8:30. I met a radiologist who was going to put the wire in my right breast. The whole procedure was a bit uncomfortable. The radiologist used the ultrasound to pinpoint the tumor. Then she injected lidacaine into the breast. She inserted a needle that went to the tumor. She then injected a dye into the needle which burned and then fed the wire into the tumor. About five inches of wire hung out and was taped down.
Then I was sent to get another mammogram done. I will be quite honest in saying that the mammogram sucked. It didnt seem right to have to flatten the breast with a wire inserted and sticking out. I guess the lady doing the mammogram must have seen my face turn white or something after she was done with the last film because she rushed me to a seat saying she was afraid I was going to pass out.
I was then sent to day surgery and then went to surgery at 10:40am. After the surgery, I had to stay in day surgery for another hour and then got to go home. Everything was taken care of before the kids came home from school which was great.
Today, I get to remove the outer dressing and take a shower. I have to wear a sports bra for extra support. There arent any stitches but surgical steri type strips over the area. Pain wise, I feel like I have been punched in the right breast multiple times. It is a little painful but not unbearable. I can use an icepack to eleviate the pain and I have some good pain meds which I havent taken yet today but probably will after my shower. I am supposed to rest this weekend and not do any lifting, tugging, or pulling.

I have to make an appointmet for next Thursday or Friday to get the results of the biopsy. I will update that in my blog once I get the results.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Halfway Through The Week

Last night was my daughter's award ceremony at her school and she recieved a certificate for the Honor Roll. She had maintained a 90 or above average in all her classes for the year. GOOOO Kaitlyn !!!!!!!!
Only 6 days of school and then they are out for the summer. YEA !!!!!
Kait was teacher for the day for about 30 minutes in her class yesterday. All the kids got to take a turn teaching about something they like. Kait taught her class about calligraphy, something that her Grandma showed her. Kait and my mom are very close and Kait loves to learn things from her. My mom is very artistic and I love it that she can pass some of her skills on to my daughter who loves art.
Tyler had a " guy" issue yesterday that mom just wasnt able to help with, so I called the one person that I knew Tyler would open up to and that was his Poppy. My dad and Tyler have a very special relationship and they are very close.
Tyler had is first shootdown from a girl and not just any girl but one that he has had a crush on since third grade. ( He is now in the 6th grade so he has been carrying this flame for awhile now.)
He took it hard and the only person that could help him get through this and give him advice and listen was his Poppy. Tyler says that his Poppy always tells him things in a way that makes him laugh and feel better and yesterday was no exception. Tyler got some advice from Poppy that he is putting into action today so we shall see what happens.
I think we can all remember a time when we were younger that we got shot down or broken hearted over a relationship or hopes of one. Just another learning process or fact of life that we all had to go through at one point or another in our life. My little boy is growing up and I thank God that he has his Poppy there to help guide him.
I have always felt so blessed that my kids have very good and close relationships with my mom and dad. It is something special that they share and it makes me very proud that they have such special bonds.
Breast Health Update
On Monday, I went and did all the pre-op stuff for the surgery on Friday. I found out that I have to be at the Breast Center on Friday at 8am where they will insert a wire into the breast. The purpose of the wire is to guide the surgeon to the tumor because it is deep in the breast. It makes it easier for the surgeon to find the tumor and remove it. Doctors use an ultrasound to locate the tumor and then numb the breast and use a needle to insert the wire. The procedure is called a Wire LOC.
After the wire is inserted then I will be taken to the main hospital and will go to day surgery where they will put in an iv and get things ready for the surgery. The surgey takes place at 10:30 am and is slated to last 45 minutes. Hopefully, all goes well and I will be home before the kids get out of school.
Right now, I will admit that I am little nervous. I am not worried about the tumor being cancer or anything like that, am just nervous about having to do all this. The surgery itself doesnt bother me, its the wire thing. To me this week is flying by fast and it is coming too quickly but I know that it is something I need to get taken care of so I am working on not being a weenie.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Sometimes You Just Have To Have Hope

Imagine. A lifetime of storms between you and someone else like a sibling. There are too many disagreements and too many times when you have questioned the sanity of the other person. It seems that no matter what happens, there can be no calm, no peace, and no trust. Being civil to that person is the hardest thing that you can try to do but that isnt even acceptable. Not acceptable to you because you know you are playing a rough game. If you knew this person or met this person on the street, you wouldnt even talk to them or acknowledge their exsistence. But you arent that lucky because they are related to you, immediate family.
Their whole exsistence they have fought against you and they have taken any chances that you have given them and threw them back into your face. They want you to look bad and so they create this story about you or this impression of you to people that you dont even know. You dont even like this person but they are your family. You dont confide in them because you cant trust them.
Things that you have gone through in your life and feel as though you have triumphed over, they make your weakness and and try to use against you so that you look even worse as a person. You think that there is not much left that they can say or do to you but then something else comes up that you didnt anticipate and once again you are left shocked and angry.
Also imagine at this time that this person had two things about them that you wanted to be a part of. Two children and for the first couple years of their lives you got that chance to know those children and then, for reason you dont know or cant comprehend, they are taken out of your life. You have somehow not become worthy and you dont completely understand why. You have heard things like something that was in your past caused the seperation but you wouldnt think that would be the reason because in that point in your life, you triumphed and survived. You faced extradinary odds and you pushed forward. You knew that God was behind you and you managed to make it.
That person in your life though took a different spin on it and what became something you survived and learned about in your life was used in a way that took away things that you loved. Now, over a period of six years or so, you know that those children are there and they are growing but you cant communicate or see them. It breaks your heart but you try to consider the person that caused that and all the things they have done to you to make it impossible to have a relationship with two growing kids.
You try and bide your time and you think that with each passing year that there is hope that you are closer to getting to become a part of their lives. But that year passes with disappointment and more questions that cant be answered and in the meantime, this person who you dont really like or have respect or trust in, still continues to do things that effect the family and you. You finally have decided that you have had enough and you cut the ties to this person.
You make a choice that you think will be a good thing. You couldnt trust the person who made the choices for you in the lives of the children you so long to see and talk to. That person is vindictive and hurtful and so you decide that since you couldnt trust this person, you extend your hand to someone who has the power to let you communicate with the children. You send what you consider a truthful letter and state the facts as you know them. You commend the person who has been taking care of the children all these years because the person who should have been lost their chance many years ago because of actions you dont know about.
But the letter that you had hoped would be a link and possibly give you some chance of communicating with those children who are now teenagers, turns out to cause more problems. Now you recieve a horribly nasty response from the sibling that has caused so much heartache and grief. The person who could have cared less about their own children because they were an inconvience in their life. The person who had a hand in deciding that you cant see these kids and they continue to pull things out of the air to make you look bad and try to cause discord in the lives of the people that you are close to. This person has set in stone now that the letter you have written was turned over to them and now you will never see those kids. You arent heart broken over the loss of the relationship with this sibling because you cut your ties to them long ago but you are heartbroken over the statement that you will never see the kids and that they now dont ever want to see you again.
You arent sorry that you wrote the letter because you didnt do it for the sibling that you dont get along with. You took a chance for the kids you havent been able to have a relationship with in seven years.
Its okay though because you realize that sometimes you just have to have hope. You imagine that sometime in the future, when those two children are older that there might be a chance they will look you up and want to find you and be a part of your life. You hope that their minds werent polluted over the years with lies about you and your family and that they will want answers from you.
You also realize that now is the time to take all the things that this sibling has done and all the hurtful thngs they have said and all the lies that you know about, because you know there are many that you dont and create a crate in your mind and dump all that in the crate and nail it shut. Its unfortante that you cant forget that this sibling exsists but you decide that enough is enough once again and you are closing that chapter in your life and so you write them out of your life.
Not only was the horrible letter you recieved in response to the letter you sent one of the final nails in that crate but you out of curiousity check a page on a social network that they use and find this statement on their front page "XXXXXXXX is pulling the STUPID reins back on the jackasses in my life! I hate stupid people! "
You realize that you arent even angry anymore, you realize that you just dont care anymore what this person thinks or says. This person wants to make it public and advertise everything to everyone. Thats okay but the people who are closest to you and your family, know the truth and above all God knows the truth and you have decided that you are content with that.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Our Mockingbird Family

In the front of our house, we have a line of bushes that covers the front windows and a tree that grows near the front porch. Towards the upper part of the tree is a nest that was built four years ago by a pair of mockingbirds and each year they return and lay their eggs. Once the babies are old enough to leave the nest but not yet ready to fly, they use the bushes in the front of the house as a good place to hide and move around. It is something we look forward to each year. My cats love it when the little baby birds are in the bushes because it gives them something to stare at and I think imagine a tasty buffet as they are looking through the windows.

Anyway, this year is no exception and the pair has layed their eggs and they have hatched within the last week and a half. When we are outside, we like to watch the adult mockingbirds feeding their young and listening to the babies as they anxiously await their yummy array of bugs. The adult mockingbirds seem used to us and they will sometimes land in front of us to nab a beetle or bug in the driveway.

Yesterday, my son left with his friends and went to Stone Mountain and my daughter was entertaining herself with games on my computer. I decided to walk outside as I could hear the distant rumble of thunder.

In the distance was an omnious group of storm clouds and the wind had picked up outside. I sat in my driveway watching the adult mockingbirds taking turns catching bugs in the front yard and feeding their young. I love listening to the baby birds and am amazed at how often the adult birds are flying away and coming back to feed their young.

Once it started sprinkling I moved to the front porch to watch the baby birds and see if I could count how many were in the nest. The best I can see is five baby mockingbirds. The adult mockingbirds did not seem bothered that I was on the porch and continued their routine of catching the bugs and feeding the babies.

The storm clouds moved in quickly and it started pouring rain. I watched as one of the adult mockingbirds flew to the nest and carefully covered the little babies to shield them from the hard pouring rain.

I stayed on the porch for awhile and got to thinking about how special it is to be able to witness this protection and love from a mockingbird to her young. Some people believe that animals dont have feelings or souls. That everything that they do is a part of their nature. They live and die and that it is the end of it. I choose to disagree because I believe that God created everything and in doing so all living creatures were given a soul. The book of Genesis is pretty clear about this.
In watching how this mockingbird protected her young, it made me think about how there are people in this life that dont have that kind of natural instinct when it comes to caring for their young. Let's face it, being a parent means having heart and wisdom. It means that we sacrifice ourselves sometimes to protect what is so dear to us and that we protect our young in all situations that put them in peril.
Just like the baby birds will sometime leave the nest and move to the bushes in the front of the house, our children will move forward in different points in their lives. I am realizing how much my children are growing up now and needing a little more wiggle room. On Friday, my husband and I went to my daughter's field day at school. I have gone to her field day every year that she had been in school and havent missed a year yet. Kait is in the 4th grade now and when we went there, she was busy with her friends and trying to keep up with them. It used to be that she didnt want to leave my side but now she is running around with her friends and I realized that she is growing up a lot more.
My son is in the 6th grade . The past two nights he has been at a friends house and been out and about doing things with them.
I look at it as now my baby birds are in the bushes now and they are moving towards the day when they will fly away. Yes, they still have a ways to go before that happens but they are learning to stretch their wings a little bit now.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

My Journal About Breast Health

I considered writing this post awhile ago but for several months this wasnt something that a lot of my family knew about. My husband and my parents and one of my aunts were the only ones who knew what was going on.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I despise going to the doctors. I absolutely dont go unless there is something that I just cant fix. It is one of those things that drives my husband crazy and my folks. However, this is one of things that I had no choice but to have to take care of.

About four months ago, I started having problems. I had some right breast pain but ignored it as monthly issues. Then I developed this area on my breast that I couldnt get under control with lotions, creams, or anything else. The lymph nodes under my right arm swelled up from the breast to under my arm and down my arm. I started running low grade fevers and getting chills.

I have never been one to do monthly breast examines or anything. I mean why would I do that. I am 35 years old and that just wasnt something I ever concerned myself with. But when all this stuff started going on I decided to just feel around and see what was up. That is when I noticed a lump in my right breast.
I told my husband about it and he said I needed to go and get it checked out. I put it off for awhile longer because it was embarrassing. I didnt want to go to the doctor for this plus we didnt have insurance at the time and I didnt want to have to put out the money for going.

Finally about four months ago, I went to a local clinic and talked to the doctor there. She examined the area and the swollen lymph nodes. She politely walked me to the front office of her clinic, had them refund the money that I paid to be seen and told me to go straight to the emergency room.
UGGGG!!!! I did not want to go there. We all know that when you go to the emergency room, it costs a lot more and with no insurance, the tests were going to be crazy. I called my husband and he came home from work and took me there. We went to a hospital that was in my county because I was told that they would give a discount to residents in the county who didnt have insurance.

The doctor at the emergency room examined the area and said that I had to get a mammogram and ultra sound of the area but their facility didnt have that. She said the costs of those tests were expensive. She gave me a list of places to call to see if there was a way to get discounts on those services. She told me not wait around another month before getting this stuff done.

I of course did wait around another month and a half until my husbands insurance went into effect. When we finally got our insurance cards I waited another two weeks before I was threatened by family to make the appointment.

At the end of April, I called my gyn and told them what was going on and they made an appointment for that day. I went there and after the examine they gave me an prescription to get a mammogram and ultrasound done. UGGGGGG!!!! By now I have seen 3 different doctors which is more than I have seen in the last two years.

On May 1st, I had to go to the Breast Health Center at the Hospital where I used to work. I was so nervous about having the mammogram done because lets be honest, everyone knows that they are going to flatten your breasts like a pancake and that just isnt natural.
I was trying to convince myself that there wasnt going to be anything found and that I was just imagining all this and they would do the tests and that would be the end of it. I was encouraged at check in that if nothing was found on the mammogram that I wouldnt have to do the ultrasound, in fact I prayed that there wouldnt be anything found.

The mammogram was very uncomfortable and flatten like a pancake I think is an understatement but it was quick and I was thankful for that. The tech who did the mammogram said that the doctor needed to look at the mammogram because they were probably going to want a ultrasound. I sat outside the room waiting for what seemed like forever praying that wasnt going to be the case. However, ten minutes later I was taken to ultrasound and went had that done.

That next Monday, because the mammogram and all was on Friday, my doctor called me and asked if I was told what was going on. I said no and then she told me that there was a tumor found in the muscle wall of my right breast. She told me I needed to call a General Surgeon and call her back that afternoon with the appointment date and time.
I will quite honestly say that though tumor sounds bad, I am not a doom and gloom sort of person and so though it is worrisome, I do not anticipate the worst of anything.

I made the phone call to the General Surgeon and had an appointment on May 8th. The general surgeon went over all the results from the mammogram and the ultrasound and again the area was examined. She sat down with my husband and I and said that there are two options here. One is to get a Core Biopsy, where they go in with a large needle and take some the tissue of the tumor or a Surgical Biopsy where they go in and take the whole tumer and surrounding tissue and send all that off to the lab. My husband and I couldnt decided right then and there what the best choice was going to be and so we were told we could make our decision over the weekend.

My husband and I discussed it and he said that it would be better to get the whole thing taken care of at one time and not have to worry about it anymore. I talked to family members and they said the same thing. So, we called the doctor back and gave them our decision.
That evening, we decided that it was time to let the kids know that was going on. They were upset that I didnt tell them about anything sooner. We explained the whole thing to them and let them ask questions. I apologized for not letting them know because I didnt think that this would be the outcome of this ordeal.

Here is where I am at now. This Monday, May 18th I have to go and do all the pre-op stuff. Then on May 22, I have to be at the Breast Center at 8am where they are going to do another ulrasound and insert a wire that goes to the tumor and tissue. From there I will be taken to the operating room and the doctor will remove the tumor and the surrounding tissue. It is a same day procedure and so I will get to go home that same day.
The next Monday, I have to call the General Surgeon and make an appointment for Friday where she will go over the results of the biopsy.

I will keep posting as the days go on but I think it is important that women know that when something changes in your breasts, it is important to go and get it checked. I know that it might seem embarrassing and worrisome but it is important to your health. My doctors have worked quickly on everything since the tumor was found and that has been very impressive to me.

I am not as worried about things because things have moved quickly and I havent had to sit around and wait for things to be done. Thank goodness we have insurance and that helps to eleviate some of the stress. The next big hurdle is the surgery and after that just waiting for the results of the biopsy.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day


And a special

and Happy Mother's Day to my mom.